random thoughts

For friends i know who are suffering…

There are no words

Sometimes there are no words

when life has planned for so much joy
and tragedy strikes to steal it all away
the hollow feeling in your soul
no amount of tears could fill

If only you could hate it all away
bargain it all back
there’s nothing you wouldn’t give
to just have one more day

when laughter and smiles no longer have meaning
time stands still
and these open wounds last forever

There are no words…..

grey and butty the days have no meaning
where will the strength to go on come from?
no rhyme or reason to it all
the day to day filtered and muted
robotic motions to the world
becoming numb as the pain and hurt
slowly kill it all from the inside

This is the hardest thing
I will ever face
how do I bury my child?
how can I live again?
I feel that this could kill me….

There are no words…..

So I’m in Chicago for a work conference. I’m supporting all the IT needs of my company’s booth. It’s going pretty well for the most part. Occasionally you have to try and fix something as quickly as possible that randomly went wrong. Its been kind of fun. The days are long, but its not too bad. The shortest day has been 10 hours.

The cool part is getting to see a big city. Having lived in the suburbs my whole life, it’s quite different. I’m taking the train and/or cabs to work everyday. The buildings are huge and the architecture is impressive. I wish I had time to do some more touristy stuff and see more of the city. I would probably never visit Chicago on my own, so getting to see it while working has been interesting.

It’s been a fun trip so far and I’ve still got two more days of the conference to go. I’m ready to get home and see my family. The cold weather is another thing I won’t miss. I think it be cooler to visit in the spring or summer.

That’s all for now. Later.

Derek

So I’ve been slightly delayed in updating the old blog. I just spent over 2 hours trying to figure out why apache kept railing my server. I tried migrating it twice. I switched between php as an apache module, fastcgi, and fpm. I switched back and forth between apache and nginx. Turns out the likely culprit was over 10k spam comments on my blog. guess I should have updated wordpress and my anti-spam plugins more often.

In the mean time, I’ve disabled comments completely site wide. So hopefully that should help. I’ll say I’m going to try and update the blog more, but who knows if I’ll do it. I need to redesign my whole site and my blog. Maybe in my free time between grad school, 3 kids, army, work, and stress.

But progress is progress.

Derek

So its been a while. Here are some updates.

I started a new job at Cerner in April.

I lost 20 lbs in jan-feb. I have since gained 10 of it back due to feet injuries sidelining my exercise.

I got my ham radio license and have been starting to play around with that.

I went to WLC in April for the Army.

We finished one room in the basement before Julie came to visit for 2 weeks in August.

Belle is growing so fast and talking with new words everyday.

This summer has been filled with alot of car repairs. No fun.

Check Amy’s blog for more detailed and regular updates. http://www.wifehatmomhat.com

Maybe I will start blogging more.